I haven’t been posting “real” things to my blogs just Poetry and the reason??
I have been so stressed and I guess I didn’t want to think about it and writing a whole blog post would make everything ten times worse.
This was supposed to be my year and it still is… I’m just stressed to the mass and I’m just realizing now I have to grow up, it’s scary as heck (I don’t like it.)
I have always hated change and my life is changing so much right now and I’m just worried.. it’s not just that, but I don’t want to go into it all at the moment.
I’m not saying this is the worst year of my life because that would be a lie. I’m also not saying this year is and was awful, I’m just saying I’m stressed and a little scared, but isn’t everyone. My life is just starting and I’m not planning on wasting any second of it.
You don’t know what you are doing to me.
Every word you say are sticks and bricks they are killing me. You say “ you’re fine…” and you walk the other way.
Red the color of my blood as I pulled the trigger that day.
I hate the way you smile because it makes my heart race.
I hate when people say you’re name because I can’t help to smile and look the other way.
I hate when you try to make me smile… because I’m afraid that if i climb the tree of life you won’t be there to catch me when i began to fall.
I hate that I feel like I need you, to keep climbing
I hate how easy it is for you to just walk away.
I hate how I don’t hate you, but I love you, but I’m too afraid to say.
I am broken, so they chopped me down not even giving me a chance to fight this one out.
I am falling, crying for peace, happiness and relief because the world beats you until you end up like me.
I was a tree big and strong, but then life hit me… Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.
With you, I bite my tongue with my mouth sewn shut. I am silent, but yet you hear every word that “i” speak.
You see, that is not me
society took my words away from me so I could no longer speak. Yes I am silent, but that doesn’t mean I’m done fighting.
I watch the world pass me by.. waiting for my happy ever after to arrive and then I finally understood why my “happy ever after” never could.
I was the dragon, “the monster” the one who watches over the princess while she awaits to be the queen and have the happily ever after of her dreams. I am the dragon, the ugly yet beautiful beast.
If you get a text message on your phone don’t ignore them EVER if you can’t talk just tell them DON’T just not answer because for people like me with anxiety are beginning to think of every possibility of why you aren’t you answering them.
I am trying so hard on to pick up my phone and text you… “ he doesn’t want to talk to you” says my anxiety, so I texted you anyways, then I see READ… 1, 2, 3 minuets go no answer. “ I told you, you’re just making it worse.” I text you again an hour later, thinking he was just busy he can text me now… I see READ and 1, 2, 3, no answer so I stuck with my pal anxiety.