My best friend is a morning person and I am a night person.
She doesn’t understand that no matter what I do I can’t sleep even if I don’t have my phone, My phone stops me from thinking and trust me I need that, I will end up crying and I can’t tell her that, I don’t want her to know that part of me. I’m afraid to sleep, but I also I love it.
Why am I afraid, I’m afraid of seeing her and losing her all over again ( my grandmommy, she killed herself.)
I love dreams because I get to forget about everything and I get to see her again and get to live in a world I create, but it’s getting dark and if I don’t sleep until I can’t stay up anymore I won’t remember any of it.
So that’s why you don’t take away my phone, my thoughts will take over me and nothing good happens after that.
This is going to be a crazy five days and how do I know that?
Well I’m going to be living at my best friends for the next five days, why because why not.
I have no idea how my mom agreeed to this Or how my best friends mom let this happen.
As a said before In a few post back I have started school, but since we are home schooled it doesn’t matter so we can do our school work together ( its not going to be boring at all…)
We might die before the five days is up ( by craziness) but it can’t hurt to try.
Am I the only one who likes to listen to sad songs ( that i relate to) in the car and looks out the window and just smiles? Oh that’s just me… thought so.
I have a four hour car ride back home and I’m going to enjoy every second just relaxing and not doing a thing, I don’t get to do that every often anymore.
I always have something either it’s practice, writing, or schoolwork, and even just something someone need help with. I’m never have nothing to do like I used to.
I’m not trying to complain about having stuff to do, but at times it’s pretty stressful.
My teammate is really stressed out because of practice this week (since I left) our coach has be hard on her and she doesn’t even want to come to practice, I understand why my coach is yelling at her she wants us to be the best we can be.
But that alone can make a person go crazy I would know, I did. ( I mean I’m a crazy funny, right? just kidding.)
I’m 15 and I have never had a boyfriend nor been on a date or even kissed a guy. In my home town that’s pretty sad.
Everyone 15 looks like there 21 and I’m over here looking like a 5 year old. If anyone knew I haven’t done anything with a guy they would call me names and everything would change.
I miss when you didn’t have to act differently around people you knew even if they wouldn’t really your friends. I miss the old days.
What’s wrong with me, why can’t I like someone else anyone else really.
I just wish it was easier to like him ( a lot of people I know I have liked or like him) I’m not going to do or say anything until I know no one will hate me for it or until I know it won’t pull they’re heart out.
When we talk I feel like the happiest girl in the world, but when I take a step back I know that maybe we can never be.
I freaking hate that, he’s the only guy I have ever cared about and the only guy who my best friend forbids me to be with ( why because she used to like him.)
I have said this many times, but I won’t do anything that would hurt someone on purpose even if it makes me happy.
Alright, I get it…
It dawned on me I have time to write, but when it comes down to it I end up watching YouTube instead.
How can I fix this, how can I make my self write, when I rather be doing something else?
Because for me if I don’t want to do something I might do it, but it won’t be good if I do and this novel has to be good and has to get done in time, so…
This is what I’m going to do, I’m going to make myself write just 250 words every Hour after I write the 250 I will then allow myself to watch YouTube/ whatever I want until the next hour, then repeat until I reach my goal for the day.
I will have a week to write my heart out, I’ll have no practice or any schoolwork and hopefully no destructions.
I’ll be at my cabin, last time I was there I didn’t write a thing, I wasn’t focused, for some reason i couldn’t. This time I have to promise myself I will be in the zone just enough to write 15,000 words by the end of this week.
I know that’s a lot, but it’s definitely possible. If you guys have any ideas for poems or have any ideas to keep me focused that would be greatly appreciated.