So This Happened…

Right at this moment, I’m writing this with one hand… why? Ohhh because I sprained my arm.

Just seven days before a meet… no biggy! I’m not allowed to do anything for 48 hours and I can’t tumble, I can’t vault, and I can’t dance. I really can’t do anything… for longer than that because it has to heal… bleh!

I just wanted to go to gym from 1-7pm so I could be more ready for the competition not so I couldn’t go… stupid me I mixed the two up, it happens. I least I get the time to study, so that’s good.

When it happened, I really wanted to get up and say I was okay like I always do. This time I couldn’t get myself to move. I just held my arm and cried. My coach finally got me up and ice it.

My other coach came up to me and asked “what happened?… Are you okay, you never cry.” I say I’m fine, she reaches for my arm and says “can you you straighten it?” … ” no, but that’s not the point… I’m fine, I can practice.” She looks at me and says “no, call your mom and go to the er, just to be safe.” I say “okay…”

The thing was when I fell I felt like I was in a movie, it was weird. When I got to the er I was just making jokes and having a good old time.

It sucks, but that doesn’t mean my life can’t be great without a good arm. Do I mess out on a lot? Sure. But I also get time to myself and to be honest I need a break. Just so you know that’s all it is ( a break.) I’m not giving up on this meet season. I’m too stubborn to do so.


Blah, Blah, Blah.

Why dose people have to argue about the stupidest things. They mean nothing and are also very pointless. They should never be said in the first place, in my opinion. All they do is hurt everyone in the situation.

If something doesn’t go the way you want it to, who cares. Life rarely goes the way it’s supposed to or the way you want it to, so don’t expect it to.

I don’t understand people like that; people who get mad at every little thing. I guess that’s why I’m the way I am because I know how it feels to be around people like that constantly. To be yelled at and called names, constantly. To feel like a burden, constantly.

People just need to stop being rude and so negative to people around them. I don’t care if they don’t feel good, that’s not an excuse. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. That’s all I wanted to say here.

Bump, Bump, Bump.

My heart won’t slow down. Thoughts are roaming through in my head and I can’t get them to sit down. Not even for a moment.

I have so much that’s coming up in my life, I’m so stressed. I don’t want to be, I want to be happy and excited for everything. It’s just not ending up that way.

I keep telling myself; It will all be okay, I just have to make it to June. ( my birthday.) after that I won’t be stressed and it will all go back to “normal” whatever that means.

I’m okay, I’m happy-ish. It’s just that with everything going on my anxiety is killing me. Life will get less stressful and more stressful once again. But this and everything else will pass, I’m sure of it.

New Year Resolutions.

Today is New Years Eve and you know what that means. It’s time to make some New Year’s resolutions, that I may or may not listen to. That’s not going to stop me from making them. If there’s even a chance I can change, why not try I definitely need it.

Since the year is 2018 I will make eighteen resolutions.

Number one, wake up earlier and don’t stay up AS late. Number two, focus more on school. Number three, grow up just a tad. Number four, don’t be afraid to live. Number five, work on your photography. Number six, get a job. Number seven, a car too it would help. Number eight, don’t worry be happy. Number nine, figure out your style. Number ten, hangout more with friends. Number eleven, don’t look back and hold onto the past like you do. Number twelve, no matter what happens remember you’ll make it threw. Number thirteen, get outside more. Number fourteen, run at least once every two weeks. Number fifteen, keep your mouth shut. Number sixteen, open your mouth when needed. Number seventeen, eat a little healthier. Number Eighteen, write more, but don’t forget about your surroundings.

I’m That Girl.

I’ve always been the girl, who didn’t fit in. If I ever did, it took forever. I was the weirdo. I was the almost, pretty girl. I was the girl who could never keep her mouth shut, but I was also the girl who could never open it. I have two families, but I somehow I didn’t fit in to either. The truth is, I still don’t.

When that one guy told me he liked me, I didn’t believe him. I told myself, I was crazy to think that. Turns out I was right to think he didn’t like me. I don’t understand, why its so hard to open me up to talk about my feelings. When it comes to talking about that I go frozen, unable to open my mouth and speak. I drove myself away from the only guy I have ever liked and the only guy that’s ever liked me.

People tell me i’m pretty and funny and that they like talking to me. That’s all online though. I only post pictures I look my best in and the whole funny thing I, don’t send or post the message until it perfect (and even writing this now.) Of course, they like me they only see the best parts. I hide the rest away conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. (I watched Frozen, right before I wrote this.)

I mess up a lot, but i’m not horrible. I’m trying my best to grow up, but its like they are blindfolded, they can’t see any of it. I’ve picked my major and college, plus where I want to live after. I’m quitting my team in March to get a job to pay for all that. They can’t see how stressed i am, or see how hard i’m working, or how close I am to breaking. By treating me like i’m a five year old is making everything worse. I know there intentions are good, but I just want to be let alone until I figure how to grow up on my own with just a little guidance from them.

I Wrote A Book.

I wrote a science fiction novel this November ( for NaNoWriMo), here’s a few quotes from it.

It’s time, the thirty minutes felt like seconds. I blinked and here I was waiting at the bus stop. I can hear someone’s footsteps in the snow. I can’t make myself turn around and see who it is… crunch, crunch, crunch. “Hey, Luna.” My heart is beating faster now. I know that voice and that voice knows me, it’s luke. – Dear Younger Me.

He pretends he is okay, but the truth was he isn’t. When he speaks he seems fine, but no one knows how close his voice is to cracking and his eyes from tears. – Dear Younger Me

Rain cheers me up because the way I see it rain is tears, as luke said, but it’s also pain. And even after the pain and all of the suffering, there’s a beautiful something at the end. I think that’s so wonderful because I need to believe that will happen for me. At the moment I’m in my “rain” not just rain a “big storm” and I’m waiting for it to come to a stop, I’m waiting for my big beautiful something. – Dear Younger Me.

She can’t hear me. She can’t see my tears running down my cheeks, I’m a ghost watching “the ghost” herself. – Dear Younger Me

Watching all that happen in front of me made my stomach turn a full three sixty, I could see blood in her nails from scratching at her own skin. Her hair was all over the hospital bed From her ripping it all out, bits by bits. -Dear Younger Me.

And that’s also when I, Mia Elizabeth Key, Opened my eyes to see luke standing next to me. And where was i? I was in the hospital. I sat up and began to freak out. I don’t like hospitals or even doctors. Luke knows this, that’s probably why he was fidgeting his thumbs while he was waiting for me to wake up, he was worried. – Dear Younger Me.

“ Wait! Luna listen to me, okay? You don’t have to kill anyone. We are family, I am you, I’m luna.” I black out for a moment and she’s right in front of me with the knife up to my throat. “You don’t think I know who you are, and what you’re doing? Ha, you need to learn something.” “And what is that?” I ask as tears run down my face. “You need to learn that you can’t always win.” And right then and there She slits my throat, but that’s not the end. -Dear Younger Me.

I Lost My Christmas Spirit.

Let me be the first to say merry Christmas.

You’ve heard this many times, but i’m going to say it again. why the heck not, right?  Christmas isn’t about getting gifts nor should it be about giving. Those things are nice and all, trust me I get that.

I guess this years it’s easier for me to say that because my Christmas along with giving and receiving gifts were canceled – my cousin got sick so we canceled it until Wednesday.

But as I was saying Christmas isn’t about any of that- this is going to sound a little bleh, but hear me out.

It’s about Jesus.

This month wasn’t the best, in any sense of the word. It didn’t feel like Christmas, I didn’t have the joy or the holiday spirit.  I didn’t want to listen to Christmas music or watch any of the movies and that wasn’t normal for me. It just wasn’t there and I couldn’t seem to find it, even though I looked every where.

It was misplaced until tonight, Christmas Eve. (took you long enough!) Where did I find it you ask?

It was were I found my joy and my Christmas sprint in the first place. My home church and in the end, in Jesus.