Car Ride Thought.

I used to be sad/mad about change, but then I had a realization.

Life is like a book.

I’m just Starting a new chapter…

You can always go back even if It might seem different the second time you “read” it, it’s always be there.

A word of advice Keep flipping the pages forwards, never back. because even though you can go back you shouldn’t. That’s not the chapter you’re on anymore, you need to let go and start a new one.

A better one, because if you go back it might rip your heart apart and all the good will go sad.

So keep flipping your pages until you reach “the end” and your heart stops.

Bump, Bump, Bump.

My heart won’t slow down. Thoughts are roaming through in my head and I can’t get them to sit down. Not even for a moment.

I have so much that’s coming up in my life, I’m so stressed. I don’t want to be, I want to be happy and excited for everything. It’s just not ending up that way.

I keep telling myself; It will all be okay, I just have to make it to June. ( my birthday.) after that I won’t be stressed and it will all go back to “normal” whatever that means.

I’m okay, I’m happy-ish. It’s just that with everything going on my anxiety is killing me. Life will get less stressful and more stressful once again. But this and everything else will pass, I’m sure of it.

I’m That Girl.

I’ve always been the girl, who didn’t fit in. If I ever did, it took forever. I was the weirdo. I was the almost, pretty girl. I was the girl who could never keep her mouth shut, but I was also the girl who could never open it. I have two families, but I somehow I didn’t fit in to either. The truth is, I still don’t.

When that one guy told me he liked me, I didn’t believe him. I told myself, I was crazy to think that. Turns out I was right to think he didn’t like me. I don’t understand, why its so hard to open me up to talk about my feelings. When it comes to talking about that I go frozen, unable to open my mouth and speak. I drove myself away from the only guy I have ever liked and the only guy that’s ever liked me.

People tell me i’m pretty and funny and that they like talking to me. That’s all online though. I only post pictures I look my best in and the whole funny thing I, don’t send or post the message until it perfect (and even writing this now.) Of course, they like me they only see the best parts. I hide the rest away conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. (I watched Frozen, right before I wrote this.)

I mess up a lot, but i’m not horrible. I’m trying my best to grow up, but its like they are blindfolded, they can’t see any of it. I’ve picked my major and college, plus where I want to live after. I’m quitting my team in March to get a job to pay for all that. They can’t see how stressed i am, or see how hard i’m working, or how close I am to breaking. By treating me like i’m a five year old is making everything worse. I know there intentions are good, but I just want to be let alone until I figure how to grow up on my own with just a little guidance from them.

I Wrote A Book.

I wrote a science fiction novel this November ( for NaNoWriMo), here’s a few quotes from it.

It’s time, the thirty minutes felt like seconds. I blinked and here I was waiting at the bus stop. I can hear someone’s footsteps in the snow. I can’t make myself turn around and see who it is… crunch, crunch, crunch. “Hey, Luna.” My heart is beating faster now. I know that voice and that voice knows me, it’s luke. – Dear Younger Me.

He pretends he is okay, but the truth was he isn’t. When he speaks he seems fine, but no one knows how close his voice is to cracking and his eyes from tears. – Dear Younger Me

Rain cheers me up because the way I see it rain is tears, as luke said, but it’s also pain. And even after the pain and all of the suffering, there’s a beautiful something at the end. I think that’s so wonderful because I need to believe that will happen for me. At the moment I’m in my “rain” not just rain a “big storm” and I’m waiting for it to come to a stop, I’m waiting for my big beautiful something. – Dear Younger Me.

She can’t hear me. She can’t see my tears running down my cheeks, I’m a ghost watching “the ghost” herself. – Dear Younger Me

Watching all that happen in front of me made my stomach turn a full three sixty, I could see blood in her nails from scratching at her own skin. Her hair was all over the hospital bed From her ripping it all out, bits by bits. -Dear Younger Me.

And that’s also when I, Mia Elizabeth Key, Opened my eyes to see luke standing next to me. And where was i? I was in the hospital. I sat up and began to freak out. I don’t like hospitals or even doctors. Luke knows this, that’s probably why he was fidgeting his thumbs while he was waiting for me to wake up, he was worried. – Dear Younger Me.

“ Wait! Luna listen to me, okay? You don’t have to kill anyone. We are family, I am you, I’m luna.” I black out for a moment and she’s right in front of me with the knife up to my throat. “You don’t think I know who you are, and what you’re doing? Ha, you need to learn something.” “And what is that?” I ask as tears run down my face. “You need to learn that you can’t always win.” And right then and there She slits my throat, but that’s not the end. -Dear Younger Me.

My Real Post…

I haven’t been posting “real” things to my blogs just Poetry and the reason??

 I have been so stressed and I guess I didn’t want to think about it and writing a whole blog post would make everything ten times worse. 

This was supposed to be my year and it still is… I’m just stressed to the mass and I’m just realizing now I have to grow up, it’s scary as heck (I don’t like it.)

I have always hated change and my life is changing so much right now and I’m just worried.. it’s not just that, but I don’t want to go into it all at the moment. 

I’m not saying this is the worst year of my life because that would be a lie. I’m also not saying this year is and was awful, I’m just saying I’m stressed and a little scared, but isn’t everyone. My life is just starting and I’m not planning on wasting any second of it. 

“I Hate..” (Poem)

I hate the way you smile because it makes my heart race. 

I hate when people say you’re name because I can’t help to smile and look the other way. 

I hate when you try to make me smile… because I’m afraid that if i climb the tree of life you won’t be there to catch me when i began to fall. 

I hate that I feel like I need you, to keep climbing

I hate how easy it is for you to just walk away. 

I hate how I don’t hate you, but I love you, but I’m too afraid to say. 

“The Devils Ocean.” (Poem)

Everywhere I turn all I see is water from point A to point B, I’m just drifting away in boat that God made for me. 

He told me he had a plan for me, but my boat just popped and I’m sinking so where is he? He told me “ do not be afraid for I am with you” 

But I’m still drowning in the ocean that the devil made for me, but then I realized all I had to do is reach out and believe and he would save me from the ocean of the devils making. 

I have a test tomorrow…

Tomorrow I have my permit test and I’m so nervous I can’t even eat and trust me for me that’s not normal. 

I have a feeling in my gut I’m going to fail and let everyone down. I know I can take it again, but I’m not the type of person to fail, I won’t let myself. 

By this time tomorrow I will know if I have passed or I have failed and if I passed then I l’ll look back at this post and say ” you are such a lair you did great!” If I failed like I think I just might I will say ” you’re right! Like always.” Both funny so I guess it’s a win, win either way. 

I Worry A Lot.

I want to sleep to close my eyes and rest and stop worrying about tomorrow, but everything in me is holding me back. 

I keep myself awake because tomorrow is full of more opticals I just want to slow down time, I don’t want my time to pass right by. 

Everyone tells me stop worrying and trun off the light, but I can’t. 

I feel like if I do I want be able to handle what’s going to happen the next day, that I’ll just break down in front of everyone. 

I know I shouldn’t worry and I tell myself everything will turn out fine, but I’m still not able to say goodnight. 

This Guy.

The truth is I am a romantic, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about my feelings even if I was in love with that person. I couldn’t do it, that’s just not who I am. 

I flirt, but making fun of the human I like or love and that could come across as me being mean that’s why I use the “lol” to making it seem like I am joking ( which I am when I do that) 

I have liked this guy and might be in love with this guy for 7 years now, but I haven’t really said I word. I say it no big deal he’s just a guy, but I can’t do it and not because I’m a afraid of getting a rejection it because I don’t feel comfortable talking about that mushy stuff.